Unfortunately, I am a very candid person. Sometimes, I see it as a good thing and sometimes well, it’s just not. This post is going to be one of those candid, raw, and emotion-filled posts. Maybe, we’ll see how it turns out.
Crying, I hate crying. When I was younger my goal was to never cry. I never cried in front of my parents or siblings. For me it was a sign of weakness, the lack of ability to control your emotions. I have never been an emotional type of girl.
This year, 2010, my outlook on crying has changed. This year, I had a full-blown cry session-in public, just so happened to be in church with the adult ladies (talk about a humbling experience people walking by watching this girl cry her heart out).
Surprisingly, I’ve found it to have cleansed my soul.
Unfortunately though, like last night, when I start to cry something inside me tries to fight it. I don’t know what it is-maybe because its 3 a.m. and my siblings are sleeping. Maybe, it’s because I’m so tired and I have no strength left or that no one is there to cry with me. Yet whatever the reason, I want to cry and sometimes it saddens me when I can’t.
Funny how that happens. This year, I have cried. Probably more times than I have ever cried in the past, it’s been good. It has cleansed my soul. It drives me to pray and cry out to God, literally cry out to God.
I kid you not, I have cried driving to work, in front of friends, in front of my boss, in the shower to drown out the sobbing, well, you get the picture.
Of course, I don’t cry for no reason. The reason, well, someday I will be ready to post about it, untl then, I will post about the results of the reason.