When life ceases to be simple…

A Simple Life. Honestly, what does that really mean? I think a simple life is only a phase, the baby phase. Now that is simple; nothing to do but  eat, sleep, and on occasion, entertain.

As you grow older, simple tasks are added to your resume:

  • learning and understanding the word “no”
  • cleaning up your toys
  • being assigned household chores
  • caring for younger siblings, if applicable

School really starts to complicate things but its often overlooked cause of the friends and recess factor.

Going through middle school, high school, then college-friendships became a little more complicated, ok, alot more complicated. I found myself experiencing hurt and betrayal by people I loved, liked, admired, etc. Adding the factor that boys weren’t so gross and nasty anymore, WEIRD. 😉 Then you had to try and understand all the different phases of how you were changing from kid to pre-teen to teen… oh dear. Talk about CONFUSION!

Yet, as a young adult, I find myself reminiscing when life was simpler. My parents took care of me. Now, I take care of myself and then some my siblings. I suppose if the Lord blesses me with a husband and a family, in retrospect I would probably use the word simple. Then again, I’m getting ahead of myself.

This past month I’ve gone down friendship lane with this person. We’ll refer to this person as Potential Friend (PF). My life has been topsy-turvy since 2010 began. After the cruise I really got things together and it seemed like the Lord was prodding me to stretch a little more by opening up again after a broken relationship. So with no agenda in mind regarding this friendship, I’ve unconsciously been observing this person; figuring out if it would be a substantial investment spiritually, mentally, etc. (So says the girl who wanted to be a psychologist and minored in psychology).

PF helped me see alot of growth in myself. I was never one to dwell on the past. Why sulk about something you can no longer change? Continuing on, growth. Yes, I’ve come along ways from a broken 2 year relationship with the one I had planned on marrying. Most definitely no credit to me. The Lord was indeed abundantly merciful and gracious to show such loving kindness to me.

Back on track, the friendship was moving along nicely, I suppose. Except, I realized too late (last night) I had been shouldering alot of PF’s burdens yet of course, I was ok with it.

Last night was  a difficult night for me. (That’s an understatement). I believe I am very independent, stubborn and strong-willed lady. Sometimes though, I think I portray myself too be super-woman strong, or something.

I find friends and family confiding in me and I feel honored to shoulder the burden, although sometimes I feel like I carry it for them. Not that I mind, I will do my part and more, yet sometimes

I wonder

if ever, in the far future

I’ll ever meet a gentleman who is more than me.
Able to shoulder more than I am able to…

I am a very complicated person. I’m not your average girl. Don’t put me in a box: I’m very opinionated and I will speak my mind, unfortunately I’m also very sarcastic. Although, I know I’ve improved in speaking all that is in my sarcastic mind.

Back to PF. At the moment, I’m at a standstill. I feel as if I’ve been used as a dumping ground, bounced as a ball, dragged in the mud, etc. So now, I don’t know what do. Surprising right? I know, it surprises me too. 24 hours later I should already have several options of which road to take and dissected the options to the third level, wow Lord, you’ve taken me a long way!

Ok, I lied. I have three options.

1. Cut off this friendship completely, which I’ve always kept this option as a last resort.

2. Continue on as if it’s ok.

3. Cut off the emotional dumping ground “rights” and keep the friendship superficial until PF heeds my advice and seriously gets things straightened out.

Unfortunately, with these three options. I don’t like any of them yet I like them all. Ugh, I am once again learning patience. I’ve already come to grips that this will be a lifelong lesson, no doubt to that.

So, journey along with me on this testlet/quest of patience.

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2 thoughts on “When life ceases to be simple…

  1. Pingback: walking away… « The past to the present

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