It would have been.
The thought of those numbers are just that- a thought. Nothing significant, nothing to cry over, nothing to be bitter about, nothing to be sad for, nothing to lose my sanity and dignity over.
The above numbers would have also signified an inverse relationship with the days til marriage number, yet they are not. The number that now sticks out is six months of singleness.
In those six months many changes have taken place:
- I find myself living life, not implying that when I was dating I wasn’t living life. I just never experienced a singles life.
- I find myself investing in others. Of course, when I was dating I invested in my boyfriend and my family but now I find myself able to do more and reach out more without having to calculate how much time I can give to someone and still have quality time with my boyfriend.
- I find myself thinking about dating and marriage without bias.
My thoughts? Extensive and abundant:
1. I desire to serve God with everything I have. I firmly believe I am supposed to take my CPA exam and get an MBA degree. I also know my life calling is not to exert myself in a business and climb the corporate ladder.
1a. I desire to cultivate my desire to help younger girls.
I have begun to notice how I reach out to those younger than me. For example, at college I became fast friends with my freshman roommates and even those in my prayer group. I am still friends with them today. Even as a Senior I invited my freshman roommate to a majority of things I did. Even today, we are good friends. Now I’m home but I still find myself drawn to converse and interact with younger girls-Godinez girls, Renae A, etc. Girls who are 2-5 years younger than me.
1b. I minored in Psychology in college, which was basically psychology/counseling because a majority of the counseling classes were classified as psychology. I always loved counseling/psychology. When I was younger (in HS) I actually wanted to be a psychologist. Now that has turned into a desire to further pursue Biblical Counseling.
Conclusion 1: With the above desires, how much time would I “waste” or lose if I was in a dating relationship? For me the answer is too much time. I suppose, the man wishing to walk into my life has to be some amazing ever-growing Christian constantly striving heavenward.
2. Lately in RU we’ve been talking about men. Being the woman a man needs, etc. The question was asked of everyone, “What can you give to a man?”
As I sat there that evening and as I sit here today, I find myself an ordinary girl. I have no leverage over any other woman out there. We all offer the same things, maybe in different venues and different ways but it’s still all the same.
Conclusion 2: I have no unique characteristic to offer a man that no other woman would be able to offer him. Why waste an ever-growing Christian constantly striving heavenward man’s time?
Changing gears…my thoughts on marriage are not all pessimistic. I’m not a bitter single lady despising men around the world.
1. I think being a mother is such a high honor bestowed upon a woman by God. He trusts you with precious lives and souls, that thought alone is awesome! What greater calling is there than to nurture and admonish souls-to teach them about God and how to live godly lives.
2. Lastly, my family is so awesome, it would be selfish not to share them with a special someone.