Delayed Gratification…

This past weekend life threw one of its many curve balls. . . Sickness, pain, suffering, were among everyone’s feelings this past week. It has caused me to ponder a bit.

In the Filipino culture we are taught at a very young age to pursue our studies to have a better life than our parents have. No matter how “well-off” we were when growing up, it’s not good enough they expect us to live better than that.

My parents have worked hard. I don’t think I grew up deprived of anything. I suppose one could make the argument that although materiality was readily accessible or able to be bought my parents never spoiled us by buying items we wanted just because they could. My parents made sacrifices for us and I have never felt the desire to take advantage of them.

I’m concerned. When have you actually reached “better” isn’t there always something “better”?

My parents have worked hard. Earning every vacation day they took whether in actual time off or dollars. As I sit here looking at their life, I would say they have reached the “American Dream” everyone hopes for. The “American Dream” right…? Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. They have definitely pursued this happiness, they found it freely in Christ. They gained a few extra things along the way: each other, 3 children, a home, a car for each driver, healthcare ( I had to throw that out there, sorry)…

Since I think they’ve reached the “American Dream” I want to know…”Have they enjoyed it?”

Everyone talks about delayed gratification. Putting off pleasure and happiness now and trading it in for sweat, hard-work, and tears. So what is the time limit of delayed? For a child, it may be graduating from High School or college. For the college student, it’s graduating from college and getting that first job. For the young adult, it’s vesting in an IRA. Do you notice how the time stamps never end? There is always one more rung on the ladder to step up to.

When is one able to enjoy his accomplishments? For the Senior, it may be the summer before starting college. For the college graduate, it may be the summer before adult responsibilities kick in (or maybe 6 months after graduation when the student loan bills start marching in). That’s when it stops though, the time. Maybe I should say that’s when time snowballs. As soon as the first bill comes in, adult life snowballs: “How do I pay this bill when I’m still looking for a job?” The questions and concerns never end.

So tell me. When does one enjoy? Does it take a medical scare to jar us from our delayed gratification goals? Does it take a family member’s death to shake us to what is really important in life? Does it take a fire to burn down all our possessions to realize we never enjoyed our “props” in the house.

So I ask you today: leave the housework for tomorrow and spend time with your children. Take a break and pick up the phone and call your parents. Sit in front of the computer and Skype with your cousin. Drive 3 hours on Saturday to visit your aunt. Write the letter, the 2 page hand-written letter you said you were going to write ages ago.

If you die in your sleep, your housework will be done by someone else but one cannot hug your child for you. One cannot write the letter you said you were going to. One cannot be ‘you’ as hard as they try.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving . . .

Thanksgiving this year is different. We’re home without the many family members that usually comprise our family holiday gatherings (family gatherings in general).

Come to think of it…it shouldn’t be that weird for me not to be surrounded by family members during my college years. Every year at college it was a different state and surrounded by different people. It was still the same… I spent it with people who loved one another, cared for each other, and had unimaginable blessings.

My blessings this year? It’s been a hard year but I learned things about myself that I would have never learned had it not been a hard year. I learned things about others as I went through this hard time as well. I learned things about my God because of my hard times.

I’m thankful for my family. No matter what happens and no matter what the outcome of my life I will always have them and they will always love me.

I’m thankful for my friends-here, nationally, and abroad. We’ve been through many different life phases and each one has taught me more about life and encouraged me spiritually.

I’m thankful for a church I have the opportunity and privilege to serve at. The 4-5 year olds I teach and the 2-3 years old I watch. I thoroughly enjoy playing the piano for RU Friday nights.

I’m thankful for the RU ministry. It’s been a place I can come to and be surrounded by people who are striving to run the race as I am with as few distractions and weights as possible.

I’m thankful for God’s mercy, faithfulness, and longsuffering. If not for those 3 characteristics I would not be where I am today spiritually, physically,  mentally, or emotionally.

It’s an uphill battle but shame on me if I ever thought anything worth gaining was easy.

Proof I’m BROWN!

Just kidding, just because I’m wearing Filipino cultural dress doesn’t mean I really am Filipino BROWN.


I just felt like putting that as my title!

Not that I’m not Filipino BROWN, because I totally am.

Anyway, enjoy the cultural dress…

So much for preparation

I had a METRO job test for Accounts Payable yesterday at 12:30 in the afternoon.

I’ve been talking with different people about the tests; my boss and my mom both know people there who have been finding out about the test.

From the information other people were telling me it was dealing with POs, invoices, accounting terms, calculations, etc.

I had driven around the area on Thursday to gauge how far away it was from my job. (About 5-10minutes)

I left work at 12:10 and got at Metro around  12:20. HUGE building and very nice.

There was a group of 30 people there. We were ushered upstairs (4th floor) in a classroom-type room.  I was expecting computer tests right? Wrong! They were scantron tests!

As I sat there, I was hit with a major thought, I FORGOT my calculator!

Oh well, let’s do this and  see how it goes…

We had 1hour and 40 minutes to complete the test and it was 50 questions. Only about 5 questions were non-calculation type questions.

I sat there and used my scratch paper-I did it all by hand. I also remembered a few of my SAT taking skills. Ruling out the wrong multiple choice answers.

Two hours later the results were being read, I wasn’t expecting my name to be called but then again I didn’t know what the pass rate was.

Surprisingly enough, I passed! I was in complete shock! Oh and the girl I was sitting next to had TWO CALCULATORS!

Twelve of us passed and moved onto the typing test. I didn’t know how fast I typed but the requirement was 30 wpm. I most definitely knew I typed faster than 30 wpm.

My typing speed: 62 wpm with 9 errors in 5 minutes.

oh and the pass rate? 70% I had to get at least 37 questions right.

This was so not any of my skills! Thank you God, I know it was all you.

 

Welcome to My Randomness XII

Today, I am at work BUT after work I am going on a FAMILY VACATION!

Woohoo! I’m excited. We’re driving up to Monterey.

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Food wise, it will be quite interesting since I can’t eat soy, potatoes, celery, carrots, or peanuts (among other things). Don’t worry, I brought Benadryl and loratadine, just in case.

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Today was my first day to drive in the carpool lane on my way to work. My parents rode with me so they can pick me up from work and we can head straight to our destination!

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My dad: Oh, it’s not too traffic going to work. That’s good.

Me: Uhm, dad, we were in the carpool lane. I can’t take the carpool lane to work.

Dad: Oh yeah. Oh well.

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Last Saturday, Danny and I drove down to eat out with Renae and her husband, James at Chili’s. The parking lot was full…

People in the OC think they can do whatever they want.

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Lately, this song’s lyrics has been my mindset: Not that you died By Legacy Five.

Not that You died for the whole world
that humbles my heart, brings me to my knees
Not that you died for the whole world
But Lord that you died for me

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I want to take classes again but I’m going to have to wait til I pass my CPA exams. I’m asking around about Counseling classes. I’m really wanting to continue with my Psychology/Counseling minor.

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My sister and I are planning to FINALLY take pictures-at the beach and hotel. Drive around and find other spots to take pics at, etc.

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She’s into photography and has 2-3 books on different techniques, coloring, lighting etc. We’ll see how well she does 🙂

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My mom ran into someone from our neighborhood who tailors clothes. I dropped off 3 pairs of pants to get done-$15 for all three. How amazing is that?!

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I have a full bag of clothes-skirts, dresses, and blazers-needing to be tailored. I’m going to bring them in 3’s. I’m not in a hurry.

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On Wednesday I went to the mall with my sister. I found these jean capris that fit me perfectly! Perfect enough that I would wear it every day 🙂 Well, I didn’t get them because it was Buy one get one half off and I didn’t have another pair. If I bought them alone it was $27. I don’t pay that much for jean capris.

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Yesterday I went back because I got off work at 5 and got to the mall at 6. Just to see and try them again. I really liked them and I figured if I tried them again maybe I wouldn’t like them and I can “let them go”. Haha. Guess what?! It was 50% off! WOOHOO! I bought them for $13.50-ah. YES!

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I also went to Forever 21 and bought some accessories-ring and necklace:

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I even went to Target-I had to return the gum and the cashews. 😦

The gum had soy lecithin; the cashews contained peanut oil.

It was a good thing I looked at the ingredients!

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Oh and as I was walking into Target with cashews, gum, and receipt in hand-some guy in his truck:

Random guy: Hey! Are those cashews?!

Me: Uh, yeah, haha

Random guy: Share those! Cashews are good!

Walking away laughing out loud….

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All that done and got to church at 7:05 !!!

I Am Blessed.

I had a difficult time thinking of what to call this post. It was between God’s been good or I am blessed. Well, obviously you know what I decided.

In all honesty, I am blessed because God is good and God is good so that’s why I am blessed. 🙂

This past week with my eczema wreaking complete havoc in my life I’ve been crying out to God each night for some kind of relief, comfort, and strength. Everywhere I turned whether it was reading my Bible, listening to a sermon, or talking with someone the recurring theme was God’s goodness and how blessed we are no matter what struggle we’re going through. It has helped me refocus. I’m not better but God has really shown me a lot this past week.

I AM BLESSED…

1. Because of salvation and the assurance I will be going to Heaven one day.

2. I grew up in a Christian environment.

3. I am free from the scars and damage of the world because of God’s mercy.

4. I have no major regrets in life.

5.  I have attended a Christian school or been home-schooled since 3rd grade.

6. I have a relationship with my parents-not saying its perfect but we understand and respect one another.

7. My parents are still married to each other.

8. My brother and sister have a desire to serve the Lord.

9. I have never gone hungry or been without a place to sleep at night.

10. I have my own bedroom with a bed and a closet.

11. I am surrounded by people who love me and pray for me.

12. Godly friends-at home and spread across the continent and globe.

13. I have all 5 senses-touch, smell, hear, see, taste.

14. I am healthy compared to the rest of the world.

15. I have a full-time job with benefits.

16. I have a car that starts every morning-it has AC, heat, radio, power windows, and power doors.

17. I’ve had my gains than losses and I’ve known more joy than hurt.

18. My church uncompromisingly believes and stands firm upon the Bible.

19. My youth director & his wife changed my life-through their love, sacrifice, and time they invested in me.

20. My extended family is not at odds with one another. We enjoy and cherish each others company.

21. I live in a nice, clean neighborhood. Not saying it’s always safe but I don’t live in the hood.

22.  I discovered RU-a ministry I attend. I’m able to minister and be ministered to. It’s a blessing and encouragement to be surrounded by people heading in the same direction bearing each others’ burdens along the way.

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I decided to stop at 22 because that’s how old I am 🙂

Welcome to my Randomness XI

This week has been hard. A lot of things have happened to say the least. He and I are texting 🙂

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I went MIA this past weekend and got rest.

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I will be able to see an allergist on Monday! It’s what I’ve been waiting for these past two weeks! Lord willing they will be able to give me some type of relief.

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Wednesday I cried out to the Lord with my mom as my witness. I have never done anything of the sort in my entire life but it was good for me. I let it all out-my fears, my desires, my apprehensions, my anxieties, and my thoughts. It was freeing to have someone else finally share in the burden of what has become my life. Confusing I know.

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I’m praying about teaching in China. There is nothing keeping me here in the states. Of course after I pass my CPA exam I will pray more fervently. I have been in contact with someone about China. 🙂

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My lolo isn’t doing well. My family is travelling to see him this weekend. I wish I could go but I don’t want to get worse and we always stay up late with the family when we’re all together.

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This past week I’ve been in bed at 9pm. Amazing. NEVER EVER happens. I just wish I was able to fall asleep at 9 or 9:30 or even 10 but I’m not. I’m wide awake hoping to fall asleep soon but I don’t because of the irritation.

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September 11th is the first game for my volleyball league. I am SO EXCITED!

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A lot of the messages I’ve been hearing on my way to work this week have been specifically applicable to my circumstance. Today as I was listening to David Hocking I was encouraged and rebuked. He was talking about God’s blessings-he was naming blessings and comparing our lifestyle to the rest of the world.


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I have been blessed although I am suffering at the moment I can still say God is good. He has blessed me and is still blessing me. The blessing of salvation alone is enough God didn’t have to do anything else.

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This week I have clung to these verses for comfort:

PS 31

9Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly.

10For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed.

12I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel.

17Let me not be ashamed, O LORD; for I have called upon thee: let the wicked be ashamed, and let them be silent in the grave.

21Blessed be the LORD: for he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness in a strong city.

22For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee.

24Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Ps 84:11

11For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

Rom 8:26

26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Taken over by force

Today was supposed to be a planned out day.

Plans: Blood test at 11:30, Lunch with  a friend, Family time with my cousins and niece! Birthday party 4:30, Back with my cousins for more family time.

What happened?

I awakened at 9 to get ready for the day. As I was walking to the bathroom for my shower I noticed the only car in the driveway was the durango. Mental note: check to see if my car is even here. I went out to “my car” at 11 to go to my blood test in Covina. My car isn’t there! My dad had taken it. Ugh, drive to my dad’s work then to Covina. I was late.

As I was on my way to the bank I was overcome with intense itchiness, irritation and frustration. I had not slept well at all this past week because of my eczema. I completely broke down. I was tired. Tired of no rest, tired of my eczema, tired of not being able to feel any type of relief, tired of not seeing any type of results no matter what I did. Tired of having to be fine/ok but not up to par.

I broke down crying. I was tired. I was exhausted. I came home, fell into bed crying tears and crying out to God for any type of relief. I eventually fell asleep and awakened around 4pm.

My brother asked me how I could sleep that long. I told him I cried myself into an exhausted sleep. He was surprised. I reminded him that he has no idea how I feel. Albeit he has eczema but his is nothing compared to what I experience. I also told him he wouldn’t handle a day in my shoes. He agreed wholeheartedly.

I was in and out of sleep today. I won’t be in church tomorrow. I’m hopeful tomorrow night I’ll be able to go. I miss church. I didn’t go to RU Friday for hope of relaxation but I ended up doing laundry and chores because my siblings forgot I had asked them to. Even though I texted them to remind them. oh well.

So today, I was taken over by force. Not that I’m complaining because today was also the first day since I’ve been home that I have taken a nap on a Saturday.  I don’t remember a Saturday since being home that I have done nothing but relaxed and stayed home. Its nice actually. Oh and today all I ate was fruit. Tomorrow will also be the same although I was going through the fridge today. We have a lot of veggies. I may throw some green & red bell peppers, cabbage, zucchini, and green beans together. I’ll let you know.