Dear 2010 Melanie T

Dear 2010 Melanie,

You’ve seen the mountain top and you’ve been in the valley. You never knew one year a phone call would turn your life upside down. You never realized one person could be so important that you put your life on hold for x amount of time.

You probably won’t believe me when I tell you . . . your boyfriend of 2 years will break up with you a week after your 2 year anniversary. It’s ok. I couldn’t believe it either. Do believe me when I say you are stronger than you thought. Your family especially your mom will be understanding and patient. People you didn’t give much thought to will spring back into your life as if they’ve never wandered. The freshest months after the break-up will be the hardest. Sometimes you’ll start crying… and you think you don’t know why but don’t hide it. It’s ok. Let it out. You’ll feel so much better afterward.

Your friend from Hawaii will fly out just for the weekend. Just for you. Just to make sure you have someone to cry with, to talk to, to hug. Do believe me when I say the next few months you’ll experience grace like never before. There are no words to describe it-that’s how you are able to get through: one day at a time. Grace sufficient for each day. It never runs out.

Cheer up, being single isn’t all that bad. Actually, you’ll get to really enjoy singleness because of it you were able to watch Wicked in SF, Cruise to Mexico, and spend July 4th weekend in Chicago. You even started a blog and made great blogging friends!

Your eczema? You’ll finally be able to know what’s wrong with you. It’s not because you’re a monster and deformed although that’s what I was starting to believe, as well. Your allergist visit will be quite an experience. One you will definitely enjoy telling, sharing, and re-telling.

On a side note, if I were you, which I kind of am, I’d start buying clothes little by little starting now. You will have to start borrowing clothes from your size zero sister because of the weight you’re losing-from the breakup, because of your fasting, and finally your food allergies.

Don’t give up on the job search. It’ll take four months, 30 interviews, and 15 thank you notes. You even got to interview at USC-your resume and application got chosen out of 200 applicants. You interviewed twice at the California Science Center and got free parking to see the exhibits. Forever 21 Corporate hounded you for a clerk job and the President authorized a salary increase especially for you. The aforementioned companies will not offer you a job or you will not accept. God has something better for you. East Whittier School District. Title: Food Accounting Specialist. You no longer have to take the freeway. Praise the Lord. You will feel such relief.
 
The resignation of your former job and the acceptance of your new one will pave the way of NEW for you. New job. New year. New number. New things to cross off the bucket list.

Oh and the Laker finals game you wanted to watch but no one would go with you? GO BY YOURSELF you’ll regret it if you don’t. I regret not going.

All in all, this was a good year for you, this was a bad year for you, this was definitely a growing year for you. Embrace it. Run with it. Love it. Cry with it. Whatever you do-do NOT fight it.

Love,
Melanie
2011 January

 

In the spirit of Thanksgiving . . .

Thanksgiving this year is different. We’re home without the many family members that usually comprise our family holiday gatherings (family gatherings in general).

Come to think of it…it shouldn’t be that weird for me not to be surrounded by family members during my college years. Every year at college it was a different state and surrounded by different people. It was still the same… I spent it with people who loved one another, cared for each other, and had unimaginable blessings.

My blessings this year? It’s been a hard year but I learned things about myself that I would have never learned had it not been a hard year. I learned things about others as I went through this hard time as well. I learned things about my God because of my hard times.

I’m thankful for my family. No matter what happens and no matter what the outcome of my life I will always have them and they will always love me.

I’m thankful for my friends-here, nationally, and abroad. We’ve been through many different life phases and each one has taught me more about life and encouraged me spiritually.

I’m thankful for a church I have the opportunity and privilege to serve at. The 4-5 year olds I teach and the 2-3 years old I watch. I thoroughly enjoy playing the piano for RU Friday nights.

I’m thankful for the RU ministry. It’s been a place I can come to and be surrounded by people who are striving to run the race as I am with as few distractions and weights as possible.

I’m thankful for God’s mercy, faithfulness, and longsuffering. If not for those 3 characteristics I would not be where I am today spiritually, physically,  mentally, or emotionally.

It’s an uphill battle but shame on me if I ever thought anything worth gaining was easy.

What am I doing?

At 1:oo a.m. I decided to take a shower.

Now, I’m wide awake.

What am I doing?


Its 1:40 a.m.

What am I doing?

I don’t know.

 

I sit cross-legged on my bed flipping through my journal-debating if I should read what I wrote in my journal when I was still with the bf.

Maybe I lost or maybe I won, but I read.

Many of the entries without dates. Many entries about my googly feeling about my boyfriend.

Do I cry?

Maybe a little.

What am I doing?

 

Many entries with questions and unknowns.

Many of the entries are questions I have now and the unknowns I’m experiencing.

What am I doing?

 

One grave difference I notice. Maybe you have too.

 

I’m different.

 

Same questions but from a different person.

A different person today, single yes.

A different person from 11 months ago, taken, yes.

 

What am I doing?

I’m doing what I have known to do the past 11 months,

those times when I don’t know-what I am doing.

 

Keep going.

Don’t give up.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Photo Courtesy of Photobucket User: smileyhanchulak

 

Yes, a faint and sometimes flickering light  but still a light.

 

Happy 50th Birthday Dad!

Many of your friends know you to be a guy who knows his stuff-cars, carpentry, plumbing, finances, directions, and electrical wiring. They would most likely describe you as the guy who’s always smiling and care-free.

To me, you are more than just the dad with the corny jokes and the dad of all trades. You are a person who has greatly influenced my life. Allow me to share my dad for a brief moment.

My dad is a silent leader who leads by example.

My dad does not have to tell me what kind of man I should marry and how I should expect to be treated, he shows me in the way he treats and interacts with my mom. He shows me in the way he sacrificially and willingly provides for the family.

My dad does not have to tell me to spend time with God. I see him everyday before I leave for work-he sits on the couch by the window or at the bar stool in the kitchen. I see him hunched over in prayer or with his glasses on reading his Bible.

My dad does not have to tell me to work hard and do my best. I see it whether he’s putting in a new window, checking on all the cars, or cleaning the kitchen.

My dad does not have to tell me how to spend my money. I know. I see the importance of saving money. I hear the messages left on the answering machine from Investment Companies. I see the mail with the Investment software inside. I see him looking through the papers and notice the items on sale.

My dad does not have to tell me to help around the house. I see him cooking dinner, cleaning up after himself, and washing the dishes.

My dad does not have to tell me he loves me or that I have his support. I know he does because of the actions stated above and so much more I have not mentioned. Even though I know he loves and supports me, he tells me anyway without any coaxing from his wife or family.

Everyone has an example in their life. My dad happens to be mine and I’m thankful the Lord has given him 50 years may God bless him with many more!

TAG-say what?!

I haven’t played tag in forever! Unless you count little nieces running after you trying to get you…then of course, I played that last week 😉

Marliz3e tagged me and I’m told to tag 8 other people. I’d rather not pick 8 for fear of offending someone SO..I’m letting whomever join in! Actually, I’d just rather not think of 8 people to tag, lol.

So here goes nothing….

1. If you could have any superpower, what would you have? Why?


The ability to teleport. Traveling would be so much easier if I could just teleport and I wouldn’t have to spend money for hotels or restaurants. I’d just teleport myself back home whenever I need sleep or food if I lacked the funds.

2. Who is your style icon?

Honestly, I don’t have a style icon, you’re probably thinking-you need one!

I don’t. I have a different sense of style and a lot of my friends will attest to it. I can always find something from Ann Taylor, Forever 21, H&M, LOFT, Banana, etc. I suppose if I really had to pick one it’s Hilary Duff.

She always look so chique yet comfortable, in my opinion. I also love that she’s never in the gossip.

3. What is your favorite quote?

It isn’t exactly a quote…it’s more like a proverb….


He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him.
He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a child. Teach him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep. Wake him.
He who knows, and knows that he knows, is a leader. Follow him.

Attributed to: Omar Khayyam, 13th century philosopher

4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

I’m horrible at receiving compliments, sometimes I brush them aside or say thank you and quickly move on. Mainly because many compliments seem empty and vain. The compliments I do remember are heartfelt compliments from people who know and “watch me” grow.

I digress.  Parents talking to their daughter, “I want you to go to Melanie’s college so you can turn out like her…” I made a joke about it but they elaborated further and it really encouraged me. I was struggling with being home and “fitting in”. I wanted to be a recluse because of the change I was going through; they saw through all that and knew I was changing for the good.

oh and Jay said I am a blessing…

5. What is on your playlist/cd is in your cd player/iPod right now?

I’m returning my Zune to the gifter (ex-bf) and it is currently in the back of Danny’s car. I do not have a cd player in my SUV, yet. I do have a YouTube playlist going on right now-it consists of Legacy 5, Avalon, and Selah.

6. Are you a night owl or a morning person?

vs.

Since my allergies have been wrecking havoc in my life I am neither, lol. I was a night owl in college though. I could be a morning person if you give me at least 6.5 hours of sleep straight. No 1 hr here and 2 hrs there.

7. Do you prefer dogs or cats?

What kind of question is this?! DOGS most def! I want to get a big “mean” dog like a rottweiler or st. bernard, the movie Beethoven got me. 🙂


8. What is the meaning behind your blog name?

The past to the present/Ohsuchislife…

Melanie’s life- things from the past that shaped me and to the present things that are shaping and molding me…

Oh such is life: That’s just how life is…what are you going to do about it? Let  it bring you down or make you better?!

I Am Blessed.

I had a difficult time thinking of what to call this post. It was between God’s been good or I am blessed. Well, obviously you know what I decided.

In all honesty, I am blessed because God is good and God is good so that’s why I am blessed. 🙂

This past week with my eczema wreaking complete havoc in my life I’ve been crying out to God each night for some kind of relief, comfort, and strength. Everywhere I turned whether it was reading my Bible, listening to a sermon, or talking with someone the recurring theme was God’s goodness and how blessed we are no matter what struggle we’re going through. It has helped me refocus. I’m not better but God has really shown me a lot this past week.

I AM BLESSED…

1. Because of salvation and the assurance I will be going to Heaven one day.

2. I grew up in a Christian environment.

3. I am free from the scars and damage of the world because of God’s mercy.

4. I have no major regrets in life.

5.  I have attended a Christian school or been home-schooled since 3rd grade.

6. I have a relationship with my parents-not saying its perfect but we understand and respect one another.

7. My parents are still married to each other.

8. My brother and sister have a desire to serve the Lord.

9. I have never gone hungry or been without a place to sleep at night.

10. I have my own bedroom with a bed and a closet.

11. I am surrounded by people who love me and pray for me.

12. Godly friends-at home and spread across the continent and globe.

13. I have all 5 senses-touch, smell, hear, see, taste.

14. I am healthy compared to the rest of the world.

15. I have a full-time job with benefits.

16. I have a car that starts every morning-it has AC, heat, radio, power windows, and power doors.

17. I’ve had my gains than losses and I’ve known more joy than hurt.

18. My church uncompromisingly believes and stands firm upon the Bible.

19. My youth director & his wife changed my life-through their love, sacrifice, and time they invested in me.

20. My extended family is not at odds with one another. We enjoy and cherish each others company.

21. I live in a nice, clean neighborhood. Not saying it’s always safe but I don’t live in the hood.

22.  I discovered RU-a ministry I attend. I’m able to minister and be ministered to. It’s a blessing and encouragement to be surrounded by people heading in the same direction bearing each others’ burdens along the way.

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I decided to stop at 22 because that’s how old I am 🙂

Welcome to my Randomness XI

This week has been hard. A lot of things have happened to say the least. He and I are texting 🙂

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I went MIA this past weekend and got rest.

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I will be able to see an allergist on Monday! It’s what I’ve been waiting for these past two weeks! Lord willing they will be able to give me some type of relief.

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Wednesday I cried out to the Lord with my mom as my witness. I have never done anything of the sort in my entire life but it was good for me. I let it all out-my fears, my desires, my apprehensions, my anxieties, and my thoughts. It was freeing to have someone else finally share in the burden of what has become my life. Confusing I know.

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I’m praying about teaching in China. There is nothing keeping me here in the states. Of course after I pass my CPA exam I will pray more fervently. I have been in contact with someone about China. 🙂

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My lolo isn’t doing well. My family is travelling to see him this weekend. I wish I could go but I don’t want to get worse and we always stay up late with the family when we’re all together.

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This past week I’ve been in bed at 9pm. Amazing. NEVER EVER happens. I just wish I was able to fall asleep at 9 or 9:30 or even 10 but I’m not. I’m wide awake hoping to fall asleep soon but I don’t because of the irritation.

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September 11th is the first game for my volleyball league. I am SO EXCITED!

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A lot of the messages I’ve been hearing on my way to work this week have been specifically applicable to my circumstance. Today as I was listening to David Hocking I was encouraged and rebuked. He was talking about God’s blessings-he was naming blessings and comparing our lifestyle to the rest of the world.


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I have been blessed although I am suffering at the moment I can still say God is good. He has blessed me and is still blessing me. The blessing of salvation alone is enough God didn’t have to do anything else.

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This week I have clung to these verses for comfort:

PS 31

9Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly.

10For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed.

12I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel.

17Let me not be ashamed, O LORD; for I have called upon thee: let the wicked be ashamed, and let them be silent in the grave.

21Blessed be the LORD: for he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness in a strong city.

22For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee.

24Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Ps 84:11

11For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

Rom 8:26

26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Welcome to my Randomness VIII

**Sorry, this was supposed to be posted yesterday and I had a drafts post set up and everything but I was at work til 8:30 last night*

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I see my TWIN in a few hours!

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I invited him to hang out Saturday. He said he’ll let me know cause he just bought a classic car and was planning on working on it Saturday… Update: He needs to work on his car before he heads back to school. He said we will hang out sometime soon, hopefully.

I’m assuming he included hopefully because it’s dependent on me …?Any comments about this?

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Marlize jumped on the random bandwagon!

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I am on a non-starch diet. I am constantly hungry. Yes, as a Filipino I’m going through rice withdrawal and I love starch-mainly potatoes and bread. Mainly, potatoes. So I’m just never full.

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This week I have been at work til 7 or 7:30 last night it was 8:30.

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I’m heading out to Griffith Observatory today after Danny and I pick up my friends from LAX. Then to KNOTTS, again.

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This weekend, we’re going to have a full house. We have 2 foreign exchange students. My 2 friends from out of state, Danny, and another friend who has a weekend layover.

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Actually, its not a weekend layover his flight path was Michigan, LA, China. I told him to spend a few days in LA before he heads back home. So he is, except he was supposed to arrive today but his airlines canceled all Saturday flights. Crazy huh?

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Last night I could not sleep! I was reacting to something like crazy so I took a shower and Benadryl around 12:30. I still could not sleep.

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Finally at 2:30 I went into the living room with a pillow. I was on the couch-reading my Bible and RU book. I ended up writing in my prayer journal. It was a really good time-I found my frustration from not being able to sleep subsiding. I fell asleep around 3 or 3:30

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I woke up at 7 and transferred myself to my bed, finally. I’ve been sleeping in the guest bed in my room. (But my sister is gone this weekend so I took my bed back, LOL)

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I was in and out til 9am. So now, I’m going to get ready because Danny will be here in 30mins.

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Have an amazing weekend because I will!!!

I miss . . .

I MISS . . .

  1. The days when life was easier

  2. When I didn’t worry about bills

  3. When I could stay home from school because I was sick

  4. Jumping in puddles with my rainboots and raincoat on

  5. Rolling down a hill

  6. When I didn’t have to pay for gas

  7. My troubles consisted of my best friend not talking to me for a week or an incomplete assignment at school

  8. My grandma

  9. being stressed out because of procrastination over an assignment

  10. sleepovers and t.p-ing

  11. when my responsibilities consisted of taking care of my siblings and cleaning up after them

  12. getting in trouble for what my siblings blamed me for

  13. summer vacation

  14. spring break

  15. christmas break

  16. thanksgiving break

  17. family vacations

  18. doing my homework in the library

  19. my carefree childhood days

  20. the traumatic teen years

  21. crazy college times

  22. Last but not least: being taught by the most awesome hard-working youth director

My Faves . . .

How Do I Love Thee

by Elizabeth Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.


The most thought provoking line for me is the last-how sad that we truly love someone after we no longer have them in our life. Yet it is difficult to not take someone for granted, you subconsciously assume they are always going to be there-family or friends.

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