Day 3 of Honesty

Day 03 — Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save himself for marriage…

Yes, I do believe one should save him/her self for marriage. Why? Because of respect for myself and my future husband. Currently, kids get into relationships in elementary and JR high… They do things that kids shouldn’t even think about doing but they 12, 13, 14 years old.  Sadly, 99% these kids aren’t going to be marrying their first love. These kids are 12, 13, 14; they probably aren’t going to get married until 24, 25, 30 years old. How many partners will they ‘give’ themselves away to? How many partners will they have said, “I love you” to?

Respect is not the only reason I save myself for marriage but because God expects that of me; to stay pure and save myself for marriage.

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It’s not the first time…

I had dinner with friends on my day off Monday.

Of course they asked my outlook on the dating scene-am I looking? interested? leery? fed up?

Honestly, I’ll gladly take the stage 1 of relationships: the flirting, the compliments, flattery, no DTR talks, (Defining The Relationship) or better yet…bring me to stage 3 where we’re madly in love and have put in the hard work, sacrifice, and time. Where we’re just enjoying each other without the ups & downs, etc. Where basically, I’m just waiting for my ring.

Hint at going to stage 2 and I will disappear. Even if YOU don’t hint at it, if I feel it….I will run away. I’ll put up the walls. I’ll be sarcastic and mean.

Contemplating relationships, it isn’t worth it right now. As much as I miss being in a relationship-I won’t lie its fun but it also is a sacrifice of everything you have. Of course, eventually I would like to get married, key word: eventually.

Couple the above with the factors of not knowing what I’m doing in life-job, career, etc. I wouldn’t want anymore complications. Nor do I need anymore!

Granted, I feel this way because Mr. Man hasn’t shown up on my doorstep yet. Then again, I’m also suffering from tunnel vision and tunnel hearing. Even if he were pass my way I probably have already missed him.

I digress so I finish my spiel and he comments… “That’s such like a guy…”

It’s definitely not the first time I’ve heard that said about me… nor will it be the last, no doubt.

 

I’m Not A Girl?!

Yeah. How would you feel?

Several months ago Ben and I were talking and he mentioned how I’m not a girl.

I suppose it’s because I don’t handle situations like a girl. Honestly, I wouldn’t really know how a girl would handle whatever. I suppose cry and pout til she gets her way/attention etc?

A few weeks ago my brother and I were discussing a certain girl and some drama happening. My brother made the comment, ” Dude, she’s a REAL girl!”

Me: Oh is there such a thing as a fake girl?!

I should’ve known better

John: Yes! You are so not a girl. You’re a guy.

Me: Well great. Here’s another guy thinking the same thing…

Relaying this newfound information to a friend during chat..

me:  I’m not a girl according to my brother and ben.

A-REI: I’ve thought that at times…
but i appreciate that about you 🙂

me: OMG YOU TOO?!?!?!

A-REI: lol
me: I’m being serious…seriously you think that?

A-REI: um… that sometimes you are not as girly as others?   yes
i don’t think you are a guy
that’s weird…

Unfortunately, we got to the side of the conversation where I’m seen as a guy because they’re comfortable with me, etc. Honestly, I never show a guy that I can be a romantic interest because I don’t want just anyone giving me the time of day and I most definitely don’t give just anyone the time of day.

Now that I think of it, I believe only two guys have seen “girlfriend/wife prospect” Melanie. Ex-bf and pf.

While we’re on this subject, I cannot flirt. What does flirting consist of anyway? Yes, I’m a girl because I am more than capable to connive, manipulate, and deceive- I choose not to, unless you’re a girl using the aforementioned tactics towards me. You will get schooled, btw.

Back on track, (not like we were on track towards anything anyway) not a girl=Melanie. I suppose if that’s what it seems like then so be it. I am who I am because of what I have learned through observations and experiences.

Is it so bad that I live in reality? Or that I am independent and opinionated? I suppose the man I date/(eventually) marry would like to know I am more than capable of stepping alongside him instead of pulling him along?

Are people supposed to know that about you right off the bat? To my understanding, that just means you’re on the radar for an MRS degree. It screams “PLEASE MARRY ME BECAUSE I’M 21 WITHOUT ANY PROSPECTS”

I know, I’m to act and behave womanly and lady-like, etc, which is most definitely not equivalent to being a girl in my eyes. Am I wrong here or do I just live in Melanie-land?

2 years, 6 months, & 1 day later…

It would have been.

The thought of those numbers are just that- a thought. Nothing significant, nothing to cry over, nothing to be bitter about, nothing to be sad for, nothing to lose my sanity and dignity over.

The above numbers would have also signified an inverse relationship with the days til marriage number, yet they are not. The number that now sticks out is six months of singleness.

In those six months many changes have taken place:

  1. I find myself living life, not implying that when I was dating I wasn’t living life. I just never experienced a singles life. Continue reading