Dear 2010 Melanie T

Dear 2010 Melanie,

You’ve seen the mountain top and you’ve been in the valley. You never knew one year a phone call would turn your life upside down. You never realized one person could be so important that you put your life on hold for x amount of time.

You probably won’t believe me when I tell you . . . your boyfriend of 2 years will break up with you a week after your 2 year anniversary. It’s ok. I couldn’t believe it either. Do believe me when I say you are stronger than you thought. Your family especially your mom will be understanding and patient. People you didn’t give much thought to will spring back into your life as if they’ve never wandered. The freshest months after the break-up will be the hardest. Sometimes you’ll start crying… and you think you don’t know why but don’t hide it. It’s ok. Let it out. You’ll feel so much better afterward.

Your friend from Hawaii will fly out just for the weekend. Just for you. Just to make sure you have someone to cry with, to talk to, to hug. Do believe me when I say the next few months you’ll experience grace like never before. There are no words to describe it-that’s how you are able to get through: one day at a time. Grace sufficient for each day. It never runs out.

Cheer up, being single isn’t all that bad. Actually, you’ll get to really enjoy singleness because of it you were able to watch Wicked in SF, Cruise to Mexico, and spend July 4th weekend in Chicago. You even started a blog and made great blogging friends!

Your eczema? You’ll finally be able to know what’s wrong with you. It’s not because you’re a monster and deformed although that’s what I was starting to believe, as well. Your allergist visit will be quite an experience. One you will definitely enjoy telling, sharing, and re-telling.

On a side note, if I were you, which I kind of am, I’d start buying clothes little by little starting now. You will have to start borrowing clothes from your size zero sister because of the weight you’re losing-from the breakup, because of your fasting, and finally your food allergies.

Don’t give up on the job search. It’ll take four months, 30 interviews, and 15 thank you notes. You even got to interview at USC-your resume and application got chosen out of 200 applicants. You interviewed twice at the California Science Center and got free parking to see the exhibits. Forever 21 Corporate hounded you for a clerk job and the President authorized a salary increase especially for you. The aforementioned companies will not offer you a job or you will not accept. God has something better for you. East Whittier School District. Title: Food Accounting Specialist. You no longer have to take the freeway. Praise the Lord. You will feel such relief.
 
The resignation of your former job and the acceptance of your new one will pave the way of NEW for you. New job. New year. New number. New things to cross off the bucket list.

Oh and the Laker finals game you wanted to watch but no one would go with you? GO BY YOURSELF you’ll regret it if you don’t. I regret not going.

All in all, this was a good year for you, this was a bad year for you, this was definitely a growing year for you. Embrace it. Run with it. Love it. Cry with it. Whatever you do-do NOT fight it.

Love,
Melanie
2011 January

 

In the spirit of Thanksgiving . . .

Thanksgiving this year is different. We’re home without the many family members that usually comprise our family holiday gatherings (family gatherings in general).

Come to think of it…it shouldn’t be that weird for me not to be surrounded by family members during my college years. Every year at college it was a different state and surrounded by different people. It was still the same… I spent it with people who loved one another, cared for each other, and had unimaginable blessings.

My blessings this year? It’s been a hard year but I learned things about myself that I would have never learned had it not been a hard year. I learned things about others as I went through this hard time as well. I learned things about my God because of my hard times.

I’m thankful for my family. No matter what happens and no matter what the outcome of my life I will always have them and they will always love me.

I’m thankful for my friends-here, nationally, and abroad. We’ve been through many different life phases and each one has taught me more about life and encouraged me spiritually.

I’m thankful for a church I have the opportunity and privilege to serve at. The 4-5 year olds I teach and the 2-3 years old I watch. I thoroughly enjoy playing the piano for RU Friday nights.

I’m thankful for the RU ministry. It’s been a place I can come to and be surrounded by people who are striving to run the race as I am with as few distractions and weights as possible.

I’m thankful for God’s mercy, faithfulness, and longsuffering. If not for those 3 characteristics I would not be where I am today spiritually, physically,  mentally, or emotionally.

It’s an uphill battle but shame on me if I ever thought anything worth gaining was easy.

It’s not the first time…

I had dinner with friends on my day off Monday.

Of course they asked my outlook on the dating scene-am I looking? interested? leery? fed up?

Honestly, I’ll gladly take the stage 1 of relationships: the flirting, the compliments, flattery, no DTR talks, (Defining The Relationship) or better yet…bring me to stage 3 where we’re madly in love and have put in the hard work, sacrifice, and time. Where we’re just enjoying each other without the ups & downs, etc. Where basically, I’m just waiting for my ring.

Hint at going to stage 2 and I will disappear. Even if YOU don’t hint at it, if I feel it….I will run away. I’ll put up the walls. I’ll be sarcastic and mean.

Contemplating relationships, it isn’t worth it right now. As much as I miss being in a relationship-I won’t lie its fun but it also is a sacrifice of everything you have. Of course, eventually I would like to get married, key word: eventually.

Couple the above with the factors of not knowing what I’m doing in life-job, career, etc. I wouldn’t want anymore complications. Nor do I need anymore!

Granted, I feel this way because Mr. Man hasn’t shown up on my doorstep yet. Then again, I’m also suffering from tunnel vision and tunnel hearing. Even if he were pass my way I probably have already missed him.

I digress so I finish my spiel and he comments… “That’s such like a guy…”

It’s definitely not the first time I’ve heard that said about me… nor will it be the last, no doubt.

 

Welcome to my Randomness XVI

This Los Angeles weather is insane!

Saturday & Sunday: High 90’s

Monday: Record-breaking high of 113, it’s the last week of September!

I officially know how a piece of bacon feels as its being fried in oil.

Tuesday: 100s

Wednesday: 100’s did I mention it was spitting as I drove home from work?

Thursday:  high 90’s and humid not to mention in La Verne there was thunder, lightning, and rain. On my way home I felt like I was living back in SC with monsoon type winds.

Friday: I awake to the sound of thunder clasps and noticed the sun was beaming its heavenly rays!

The clouds

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Confession: I have failed miserably this week regarding my spending fast.

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Volleyball update: We didn’t sweep last week. The team was completely off last week. Not to mention, the gym was unbearably miserable to play in because of the ridiculous heat! We started our first game with 5 players-put us in a bind. We got through it and won all three games. The second game was a bit harder. We won the set 2/3. For the third game I served about 8 points within 3 minutes, all over hand. I was pretty proud of myself considering I haven’t been able to exercise my over-hand serve much.

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My sister told me she found a mustard colored trench coat the same style as my white trench coat. It’s 24.99 ugh. Should I or should I not?!

HELP!

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Not that mustard is my favorite color but I like the way it looks on me. So far, I’m on the lookout for mustard colored peep-toe wedges. I think that would be cute. I would love to have a mustard color purse, as well.

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Ever get that need to leave for a few days to clear your mind and refocus? Yes? Great, because I would love to do that right now.

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Actually not a few days, I would like a sabbatical, please. I’m 22 and need a sabbatical?! Something is wrong with me! Or is that normal?

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Oh and my next post will be #100 and Malize will be taking over for that post. She had let me be a guest blogger on her blog and my post also happened to be #100 for which she was waiting to throw a big party and involuntarily forfeited that #100th post to me. So we traded #100 post.

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I was really surprised as to how much positive feedback I got regarding my Facebook post. I was prepping myself for some serious ‘hate comments’ lol. I probably should not speak too early but so far, I’ve had great feedback. Thanks guys!

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Lately, my imagination has been going crazy. I was on my lunch break parked underneath a tree in the park and there was a guy  parked in front of me chilling as well. Five minutes later a white van pulled up in front of his car. The guy came out of his car, went to his truck pulled out a brief case and hopped into the white van. Hm…what’s going on there?!

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Yesterday as I was driving back to work from making deposits, I heard a little girl screaming at the top of her lungs as she was walking next to this lady, maybe her aunt? I believe her mom was walking in front of her and the little girl’s sister. What was she screaming? I HATE YOU! I want it now! I HATE YOU!

Goodness gracious? What did the child want? Did she want ice-cream, she want to stop by the store? Did her mom say she couldn’t go to a friend’s house? Keep it up Mom! Don’t succumb and I hope you dealt with that child when you got home!

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I have never thought of yelling let alone muttering under my breath I hate my parents. Such sadness.

Operation: Life Clean-Up

Facebook

This past weekend I re-activated my de-activated Facebook to retrieve pictures of my dad. I decided to post a Facebook status with my number and blog url. I also decided to RE-de-activate on Monday, which I have done.

I had 10 friend requests and 30 notifications from different friends within 48 hours. Most from friends I already keep in contact with.

Someone please help me understand why I must keep my Facebook? I’m told it’s more convenient to keep in contact with friends. If friendships were all about convenience, we’d have so many friends. I’m sorry, I’m not your friend out of convenience for you.

I don’t keep in contact with friends because its convenient for me. I keep in contact with friends because I care. I think of certain friends every now and then and I send them a text, an email, or I leave a voicemail.

Friendship does not consist of likes, comments and wall posts. We build friendships on conversations, struggles, and laughter.

I realize distance hinders a lot of those things we build our friendships on but I, as an idealist would rather not ruin friendship for convenience. I am perfectly happy to wait for an email, text, or phone call rather than receive a wall post consisting of 8 words to sum up the past 6 months of your life.

What have I discovered through my Facebook ordeal? I have realized through my inability to disappear completely from Facebook, I am incapable of letting go those who need to be let go. What does that mean? I am the type of friend who cannot let you go until something drastic has been done to our relationship-lying, deceit, etc. If it is merely a lack of communication, I believe we are still friends. That belief is untrue.

For example my friend Christina. I had de-activated my Facebook in February. Unbeknownst to me, she had changed her number sometime after that. She found me by messaging my ex-bf for my number to let me know she was getting married and wanted to send me a wedding invitation.

There are ways of finding those you really want to get in contact with.

On the other-hand, I had texted a college friend “I will be de-activating my Facebook.” She then proceeded to ask, “Why?!” I told her, “Andre broke up with me and I need to get away from it” I never heard from her until I had sent a mass e-mail about my blog. Mind you, it was two months after I had text her about my breakup. I do not know how difficult it would have been for her to send me a text saying something like “Sorry, I don’t know how you feel, etc” This particular friend, a term I am using very loosely in this instance, was a friend in name but not in action. She would not care if I had Facebook or not. She would be categorized as one of those “friends” I need to let go of.

What am I doing? I will be going through Operation: Life Clean-Up.

I’m starting over but allowing people to find me, either through email, blog, or my no-picture Facebook.

I know you are thinking “FACEBOOK?! You just ranted about Facebook.” I make allowances for those friends who have made it a point to send message me on Facebook and I understand they never check their emails, have limited texting plans, and phone calls are out of the question because we’re on different time zones or a different continent altogether!

I will not add you if I already have your phone number, email, and blog url-it just doesn’t make sense to me. Albeit, my blog views jumped to 100+ each day I was on Facebook I’m not too crazy about trafficking to my blog if no one comments or communicates with me.

Again, I’m a difficult person to understand and I sympathize with you; I really do. I know you are probably thinking I want to boost my ego so I can find out how many people are searching for me, who want to keep in contact with me, who miss me, etc. I’m sorry to let you know that is untrue. I am perfectly happy to become a hermit and have my blog as my best friend. Ask Renae or Danny, they will agree with me.

Happy 50th Birthday Dad!

Many of your friends know you to be a guy who knows his stuff-cars, carpentry, plumbing, finances, directions, and electrical wiring. They would most likely describe you as the guy who’s always smiling and care-free.

To me, you are more than just the dad with the corny jokes and the dad of all trades. You are a person who has greatly influenced my life. Allow me to share my dad for a brief moment.

My dad is a silent leader who leads by example.

My dad does not have to tell me what kind of man I should marry and how I should expect to be treated, he shows me in the way he treats and interacts with my mom. He shows me in the way he sacrificially and willingly provides for the family.

My dad does not have to tell me to spend time with God. I see him everyday before I leave for work-he sits on the couch by the window or at the bar stool in the kitchen. I see him hunched over in prayer or with his glasses on reading his Bible.

My dad does not have to tell me to work hard and do my best. I see it whether he’s putting in a new window, checking on all the cars, or cleaning the kitchen.

My dad does not have to tell me how to spend my money. I know. I see the importance of saving money. I hear the messages left on the answering machine from Investment Companies. I see the mail with the Investment software inside. I see him looking through the papers and notice the items on sale.

My dad does not have to tell me to help around the house. I see him cooking dinner, cleaning up after himself, and washing the dishes.

My dad does not have to tell me he loves me or that I have his support. I know he does because of the actions stated above and so much more I have not mentioned. Even though I know he loves and supports me, he tells me anyway without any coaxing from his wife or family.

Everyone has an example in their life. My dad happens to be mine and I’m thankful the Lord has given him 50 years may God bless him with many more!

Welcome to my Randomness XV

I got an email from him… and now I feel like not replying forever.

Well, maybe not forever but at least a month or month and a half.

Is that bad?

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I’ve not spent any money so far, unless you count gas but that’s doesn’t count, I think. At least, I’m saying it doesn’t.

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Going to the LA County fair today after 5pm because it’s only $5. My friend works there so we’ll do the whole employee parking deal woowoo!

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Oh got my first AWARD from Marliz3e!

I’ve yet to tag 10 people, it’s coming! 🙂

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I’ve still not fully adjusted to being home. Sometimes I wonder if I’m supposed to be living in California if I have no friends in California. When I mean friends I mean the type of friends you can sporadically count on to meet you after work for an hour at Starbucks or grab dinner with when you get off work late.

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Believe me I know somethings you plan for but somethings planning just doesn’t happen. Just saying…

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This SoCal weather is weird one day this week I had my boots, leggings, and long sweater-type blouse. The next day I wore a polka-dot skirt, blouse, and peep-toe wedges. Is that supposed to happen that way?!

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Volleyball games: so far still undefeated. The second game set we won the first and the second game we were down 10-20. We ended the game somewhere around 22-24 in our favor. It was intense!

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Please take me away…

Preferably where this will be the sunset...

Thank you,

Melanie

TAG-say what?!

I haven’t played tag in forever! Unless you count little nieces running after you trying to get you…then of course, I played that last week 😉

Marliz3e tagged me and I’m told to tag 8 other people. I’d rather not pick 8 for fear of offending someone SO..I’m letting whomever join in! Actually, I’d just rather not think of 8 people to tag, lol.

So here goes nothing….

1. If you could have any superpower, what would you have? Why?


The ability to teleport. Traveling would be so much easier if I could just teleport and I wouldn’t have to spend money for hotels or restaurants. I’d just teleport myself back home whenever I need sleep or food if I lacked the funds.

2. Who is your style icon?

Honestly, I don’t have a style icon, you’re probably thinking-you need one!

I don’t. I have a different sense of style and a lot of my friends will attest to it. I can always find something from Ann Taylor, Forever 21, H&M, LOFT, Banana, etc. I suppose if I really had to pick one it’s Hilary Duff.

She always look so chique yet comfortable, in my opinion. I also love that she’s never in the gossip.

3. What is your favorite quote?

It isn’t exactly a quote…it’s more like a proverb….


He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him.
He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a child. Teach him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep. Wake him.
He who knows, and knows that he knows, is a leader. Follow him.

Attributed to: Omar Khayyam, 13th century philosopher

4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

I’m horrible at receiving compliments, sometimes I brush them aside or say thank you and quickly move on. Mainly because many compliments seem empty and vain. The compliments I do remember are heartfelt compliments from people who know and “watch me” grow.

I digress.  Parents talking to their daughter, “I want you to go to Melanie’s college so you can turn out like her…” I made a joke about it but they elaborated further and it really encouraged me. I was struggling with being home and “fitting in”. I wanted to be a recluse because of the change I was going through; they saw through all that and knew I was changing for the good.

oh and Jay said I am a blessing…

5. What is on your playlist/cd is in your cd player/iPod right now?

I’m returning my Zune to the gifter (ex-bf) and it is currently in the back of Danny’s car. I do not have a cd player in my SUV, yet. I do have a YouTube playlist going on right now-it consists of Legacy 5, Avalon, and Selah.

6. Are you a night owl or a morning person?

vs.

Since my allergies have been wrecking havoc in my life I am neither, lol. I was a night owl in college though. I could be a morning person if you give me at least 6.5 hours of sleep straight. No 1 hr here and 2 hrs there.

7. Do you prefer dogs or cats?

What kind of question is this?! DOGS most def! I want to get a big “mean” dog like a rottweiler or st. bernard, the movie Beethoven got me. 🙂


8. What is the meaning behind your blog name?

The past to the present/Ohsuchislife…

Melanie’s life- things from the past that shaped me and to the present things that are shaping and molding me…

Oh such is life: That’s just how life is…what are you going to do about it? Let  it bring you down or make you better?!

Welcome to my Randomness XI

This week has been hard. A lot of things have happened to say the least. He and I are texting 🙂

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I went MIA this past weekend and got rest.

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I will be able to see an allergist on Monday! It’s what I’ve been waiting for these past two weeks! Lord willing they will be able to give me some type of relief.

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Wednesday I cried out to the Lord with my mom as my witness. I have never done anything of the sort in my entire life but it was good for me. I let it all out-my fears, my desires, my apprehensions, my anxieties, and my thoughts. It was freeing to have someone else finally share in the burden of what has become my life. Confusing I know.

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I’m praying about teaching in China. There is nothing keeping me here in the states. Of course after I pass my CPA exam I will pray more fervently. I have been in contact with someone about China. 🙂

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My lolo isn’t doing well. My family is travelling to see him this weekend. I wish I could go but I don’t want to get worse and we always stay up late with the family when we’re all together.

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This past week I’ve been in bed at 9pm. Amazing. NEVER EVER happens. I just wish I was able to fall asleep at 9 or 9:30 or even 10 but I’m not. I’m wide awake hoping to fall asleep soon but I don’t because of the irritation.

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September 11th is the first game for my volleyball league. I am SO EXCITED!

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A lot of the messages I’ve been hearing on my way to work this week have been specifically applicable to my circumstance. Today as I was listening to David Hocking I was encouraged and rebuked. He was talking about God’s blessings-he was naming blessings and comparing our lifestyle to the rest of the world.


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I have been blessed although I am suffering at the moment I can still say God is good. He has blessed me and is still blessing me. The blessing of salvation alone is enough God didn’t have to do anything else.

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This week I have clung to these verses for comfort:

PS 31

9Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly.

10For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed.

12I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel.

17Let me not be ashamed, O LORD; for I have called upon thee: let the wicked be ashamed, and let them be silent in the grave.

21Blessed be the LORD: for he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness in a strong city.

22For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee.

24Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Ps 84:11

11For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

Rom 8:26

26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

I’m Not A Girl?!

Yeah. How would you feel?

Several months ago Ben and I were talking and he mentioned how I’m not a girl.

I suppose it’s because I don’t handle situations like a girl. Honestly, I wouldn’t really know how a girl would handle whatever. I suppose cry and pout til she gets her way/attention etc?

A few weeks ago my brother and I were discussing a certain girl and some drama happening. My brother made the comment, ” Dude, she’s a REAL girl!”

Me: Oh is there such a thing as a fake girl?!

I should’ve known better

John: Yes! You are so not a girl. You’re a guy.

Me: Well great. Here’s another guy thinking the same thing…

Relaying this newfound information to a friend during chat..

me:  I’m not a girl according to my brother and ben.

A-REI: I’ve thought that at times…
but i appreciate that about you 🙂

me: OMG YOU TOO?!?!?!

A-REI: lol
me: I’m being serious…seriously you think that?

A-REI: um… that sometimes you are not as girly as others?   yes
i don’t think you are a guy
that’s weird…

Unfortunately, we got to the side of the conversation where I’m seen as a guy because they’re comfortable with me, etc. Honestly, I never show a guy that I can be a romantic interest because I don’t want just anyone giving me the time of day and I most definitely don’t give just anyone the time of day.

Now that I think of it, I believe only two guys have seen “girlfriend/wife prospect” Melanie. Ex-bf and pf.

While we’re on this subject, I cannot flirt. What does flirting consist of anyway? Yes, I’m a girl because I am more than capable to connive, manipulate, and deceive- I choose not to, unless you’re a girl using the aforementioned tactics towards me. You will get schooled, btw.

Back on track, (not like we were on track towards anything anyway) not a girl=Melanie. I suppose if that’s what it seems like then so be it. I am who I am because of what I have learned through observations and experiences.

Is it so bad that I live in reality? Or that I am independent and opinionated? I suppose the man I date/(eventually) marry would like to know I am more than capable of stepping alongside him instead of pulling him along?

Are people supposed to know that about you right off the bat? To my understanding, that just means you’re on the radar for an MRS degree. It screams “PLEASE MARRY ME BECAUSE I’M 21 WITHOUT ANY PROSPECTS”

I know, I’m to act and behave womanly and lady-like, etc, which is most definitely not equivalent to being a girl in my eyes. Am I wrong here or do I just live in Melanie-land?