Five Minute Friday: EMPTY

Around here we write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We write because we want to, not because we have to. We write for fun, for joy, for discovery.

We just write without worrying if it’s just write or not.

Won’t you join us?

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.
OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Empty

She wakes up in the middle of the night, remembering he’s gone, the side of the bed he used to occupy is empty and he’s gone forever, ’til she’ll see him in Heaven

– – –

He’s holding her hand, waiting and praying, he hasn’t left her side since she fell into coma, two weeks ago. The accident: he was driving; she was laughing; they were talking about marriage. Now, he’s praying for her life.

– – –

A painful sorrow, she doesn’t know how to help her daughter, he’s gone: husband, father, soldier, protector, provider.

– – –

He’s kneeling-pleading to God for help; they’ve been fighting cancer for two years now…she’s gone. With three kids to look after, all of them need her; he needs her

Five Minute Friday: ACHE

Around here we write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We write because we love words and the relief it is to just write them without worrying if they’re just right or not. So we take five minutes on Friday and write like we used to finger paint. For joy in the process. No matter how messy the result.

Got five minutes? Come and write with us, we promise to tell you we loved it! (<—Tweet this!)

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

ACHE

The different levels and layers are numerous. The overall feeling is the same. The deep pit in our heart. The strain in our emotions. The tiredness of our bodies.

What human hasn’t experienced those feelings?

What brings it about?

A range of circumstances, actions, and words. Sometimes it’s self-inflicted, sometimes another’s ignorance or willful actions. Sometimes, it’s brought on through the current events we hear about: the school shooting, the negligent parents, statistics of teen pregnancies, the absence of parents.

It brings about this deep pit of sadness, hurt, and pain that sears within our soul and pierces our mind and body.

What to do about it?

Me? I realize: I’m not without hope.

One day, my heart will no longer ache. My ears will no longer hear distressing and painful news. My mind will not have to try and comprehend the selfish and hurtful acts of others. No tears will need to be shed for the pain I have endured and the ache I have suffered. Because He [Jesus] will be my physical comfort and he will wipe away all my tears. He will take away the pain and sorrow I endured.

They basically didn’t want him.

I work at a school district  in the Nutrition/Food Service department. This department processes applications to free/reduced lunch.

The other day this lady calls and is asking about her ‘child’. He is considered a foster child.

We had to call her back and tell her to fill out an application at the district office so it can be processed later that afternoon and her child will be able to start receiving free lunch. My co-worker began to ask her questions.

The foster child is her grandson.

Co-worker: What happened to his parents?

Grandma: They basically didn’t want him. They were druggies.

Co-Worker: Oh my goodness really? That’s so sad.

Grandma: His mom had custody over him and she wouldn’t feed him. She would leave him alone for 4-5 hours everyday. She taped the refrigerator shut so he couldn’t eat anything.

Co-Worker: That’s horrible.

Grandma: I plan on keeping him. She can’t have him back. His dad is no better either. If she has another one, I’m going to kill her.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After the conversation we started talking about that subject. How do some “parents” not even care? How can they leave their infant unattended for so long?

Personally, I’m sickened by some people and their selfishness. How selfish can someone be? What possesses one to completely neglect their child instead of seeking help? Even animals don’t forsake their babies.

When I was younger up until I started dating my Junior year in college, I didn’t want children. I babysit children and took care of them-fed them, played with them, etc. They weren’t even my children but I still made sure they were fed. They were happy. They were clean. It’s insane when you really think about it. I never had to FORCE myself to take care of them even through my laziness or frustration in watching 3 kids at one time…they still were getting that necessary attention.

 

So tell me, how does one become so twisted and psycho that they cannot take care of their child?

Delayed Gratification…

This past weekend life threw one of its many curve balls. . . Sickness, pain, suffering, were among everyone’s feelings this past week. It has caused me to ponder a bit.

In the Filipino culture we are taught at a very young age to pursue our studies to have a better life than our parents have. No matter how “well-off” we were when growing up, it’s not good enough they expect us to live better than that.

My parents have worked hard. I don’t think I grew up deprived of anything. I suppose one could make the argument that although materiality was readily accessible or able to be bought my parents never spoiled us by buying items we wanted just because they could. My parents made sacrifices for us and I have never felt the desire to take advantage of them.

I’m concerned. When have you actually reached “better” isn’t there always something “better”?

My parents have worked hard. Earning every vacation day they took whether in actual time off or dollars. As I sit here looking at their life, I would say they have reached the “American Dream” everyone hopes for. The “American Dream” right…? Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. They have definitely pursued this happiness, they found it freely in Christ. They gained a few extra things along the way: each other, 3 children, a home, a car for each driver, healthcare ( I had to throw that out there, sorry)…

Since I think they’ve reached the “American Dream” I want to know…”Have they enjoyed it?”

Everyone talks about delayed gratification. Putting off pleasure and happiness now and trading it in for sweat, hard-work, and tears. So what is the time limit of delayed? For a child, it may be graduating from High School or college. For the college student, it’s graduating from college and getting that first job. For the young adult, it’s vesting in an IRA. Do you notice how the time stamps never end? There is always one more rung on the ladder to step up to.

When is one able to enjoy his accomplishments? For the Senior, it may be the summer before starting college. For the college graduate, it may be the summer before adult responsibilities kick in (or maybe 6 months after graduation when the student loan bills start marching in). That’s when it stops though, the time. Maybe I should say that’s when time snowballs. As soon as the first bill comes in, adult life snowballs: “How do I pay this bill when I’m still looking for a job?” The questions and concerns never end.

So tell me. When does one enjoy? Does it take a medical scare to jar us from our delayed gratification goals? Does it take a family member’s death to shake us to what is really important in life? Does it take a fire to burn down all our possessions to realize we never enjoyed our “props” in the house.

So I ask you today: leave the housework for tomorrow and spend time with your children. Take a break and pick up the phone and call your parents. Sit in front of the computer and Skype with your cousin. Drive 3 hours on Saturday to visit your aunt. Write the letter, the 2 page hand-written letter you said you were going to write ages ago.

If you die in your sleep, your housework will be done by someone else but one cannot hug your child for you. One cannot write the letter you said you were going to. One cannot be ‘you’ as hard as they try.

Did you know?!

Last Saturday it hit me…

The main ingredient in salad dressing is soybean oil.

Do you know what soybean oil is?

Vegetable oil.

The vegetable oil we fry foods in.

Gross.

Oh and by the way, it’s the same for mayo.

That’s what Christians do now…

Yesterday morning our church service was about the citizen’s duty to vote. This poem was read during the sermon and I found it very applicable.

You? What will you do tomorrow? Will you vote? Will you make your vote count? Or will you be one of  the many who will sit on the sidelines and criticize everything that goes on in government.

 

In 1973 the Supreme Court said it was OK to kill unborn babies. Since then, we have killed more than the entire population of Canada. And it continues. A woman’s choice? It is called abortion.

Me? I go to church, the minister preaches, I go home. That’s what Christians do now.

First it was in dingy, dirty theatres. Then, convenience stores. Then, grocery stores. Then on television. Now its in the homes of millions via the Internet. It is called pornography.

Me? I go to church, the minister preaches, I go home. That’s what Christians do now.

They called it no-fault. Why should we blame anyone when something so tragic happens? Haven’t they already suffered enough? Half of the marriages of America end this way. The children suffered. The family broke down. It is called divorce.

Me? I go to church, the minister preaches, I go home. That’s what Christians do now.

At one time it was a perversion. We kept it secret. We secured help and hope for those who practiced it. Now it is praised. We have parades celebrating it, and elected officials give it their blessing. Now it is endorsed with special privileges and protected by special laws. Even some Christian leaders and denominations praise it. It is called homosexuality.

Me? I go to church, the minister preaches, I go home. That’s what Christians do now.

It used to be an embarrassment. A shame. Now a third of all births are to mothers who aren’t married. Two thirds of all African-American children are born into a home without a father. The state usually pays the tab. That is why we pay our taxes, so that government can take the place of parents. After all, government bureaucrats know much better how to raise children then parents do. It is called illegitimacy.

Me? I go to church, the minister preaches, I go home. That’s what Christians do now.

At one time it was wrong. But then the state decided to legalize it, promote it and tax it. It has ripped apart families and destroyed lives. But just look at all the money the state has raised. No longer do we have to teach our children to study and work hard. Now we teach them they can get something for nothing. We spend millions encouraging people to join the fun and excitement. Just look at the big sums people are winning. They will never have to work again! It is called gambling.

Me? I go to church, the minister preaches, I go home. That’s what Christians do now.

Not long ago, Christians were the good guys. But now any positive image of Christians in movies or TV is gone. We are now depicted as the bad guys–greedy, narrow-minded hypocrites. The teacher can’t have a Bible on her desk, but can have Playboy. We don’t have Christmas and Easter holidays–just winter and spring break. We can’t pray in school, but can use foul language. It’s called being tolerant.

Me? I go to church, the minister preaches, I go home. That’s what Christians do now.

Yes, all these things came to pass within 30 years. Where were the Christians? Why, they were in church. All these things are for someone else to deal with. Times have changed. Involvement had been replaced with apathy.

But don’t blame me.

I didn’t do anything. I go to church, the minister preaches, I go home.

That’s what Christians do now.

I realize this piece of writing singles out African-Americans in no way do I condemn African-Americans or am I racist against them. To be quite honest, my ex-bf was African-American and I love his mom and still communicate with her. Please do not think I’m racist.

I Am Blessed.

I had a difficult time thinking of what to call this post. It was between God’s been good or I am blessed. Well, obviously you know what I decided.

In all honesty, I am blessed because God is good and God is good so that’s why I am blessed. 🙂

This past week with my eczema wreaking complete havoc in my life I’ve been crying out to God each night for some kind of relief, comfort, and strength. Everywhere I turned whether it was reading my Bible, listening to a sermon, or talking with someone the recurring theme was God’s goodness and how blessed we are no matter what struggle we’re going through. It has helped me refocus. I’m not better but God has really shown me a lot this past week.

1. Because of salvation and the assurance I will be going to Heaven one day.

2. I grew up in a Christian environment.

3. I am free from the scars and damage of the world because of God’s mercy.

4. I have no major regrets in life.

5.  I have attended a Christian school or been home-schooled since 3rd grade.

6. I have a relationship with my parents-not saying its perfect but we understand and respect one another.

7. My parents are still married to each other.

8. My brother and sister have a desire to serve the Lord.

9. I have never gone hungry or been without a place to sleep at night.

10. I have my own bedroom with a bed and a closet.

11. I am surrounded by people who love me and pray for me.

12. Godly friends-at home and spread across the continent and globe.

13. I have all 5 senses-touch, smell, hear, see, taste.

14. I am healthy compared to the rest of the world.

15. I have a full-time job with benefits.

16. I have a car that starts every morning-it has AC, heat, radio, power windows, and power doors.

17. I’ve had my gains than losses and I’ve known more joy than hurt.

18. My church uncompromisingly believes and stands firm upon the Bible.

19. My youth director & his wife changed my life-through their love, sacrifice, and time they invested in me.

20. My extended family is not at odds with one another. We enjoy and cherish each others company.

21. I live in a nice, clean neighborhood. Not saying it’s always safe but I don’t live in the hood.

22.  I discovered RU-a ministry I attend. I’m able to minister and be ministered to. It’s a blessing and encouragement to be surrounded by people heading in the same direction bearing each others’ burdens along the way.

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I decided to stop at 22 because that’s how old I am 🙂

It’s a Wonder

What rest, relaxation, and sleep can do.

I feel significantly better today than I did on Friday.

It was nice to do nothing but relax. I most definitely needed it. I know I’m not all rested up yet but this past weekend was nice. 🙂

Saturday all I ate was fruits. Same with Sunday, a majority of it was fruits and veggies. I had some shredded chicken at the request of my mom but that was all.

She commented on how much weight I’m losing. I’m not trying really. It’s just happening. I try not to eat after 7 or 8. (On the weekends I stray a bit from that) She already has me on a specific food intake, which in one swoop significantly decreases what I can eat. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. If I’m too tired I won’t prepare dinner for myself. That’s what it is. To me sleep is more important than eating. I have more than enough fat storage my body can glean energy from for one night/day.

Tonight, I hope I can go to bed early, hopefully I didn’t just jinx myself. 🙂 Oh and I’m going to continue to make fruits and veggies a major part of my meals until I see the allergist next week.

Thanks for the best wishes!

Taken over by force

Today was supposed to be a planned out day.

Plans: Blood test at 11:30, Lunch with  a friend, Family time with my cousins and niece! Birthday party 4:30, Back with my cousins for more family time.

What happened?

I awakened at 9 to get ready for the day. As I was walking to the bathroom for my shower I noticed the only car in the driveway was the durango. Mental note: check to see if my car is even here. I went out to “my car” at 11 to go to my blood test in Covina. My car isn’t there! My dad had taken it. Ugh, drive to my dad’s work then to Covina. I was late.

As I was on my way to the bank I was overcome with intense itchiness, irritation and frustration. I had not slept well at all this past week because of my eczema. I completely broke down. I was tired. Tired of no rest, tired of my eczema, tired of not being able to feel any type of relief, tired of not seeing any type of results no matter what I did. Tired of having to be fine/ok but not up to par.

I broke down crying. I was tired. I was exhausted. I came home, fell into bed crying tears and crying out to God for any type of relief. I eventually fell asleep and awakened around 4pm.

My brother asked me how I could sleep that long. I told him I cried myself into an exhausted sleep. He was surprised. I reminded him that he has no idea how I feel. Albeit he has eczema but his is nothing compared to what I experience. I also told him he wouldn’t handle a day in my shoes. He agreed wholeheartedly.

I was in and out of sleep today. I won’t be in church tomorrow. I’m hopeful tomorrow night I’ll be able to go. I miss church. I didn’t go to RU Friday for hope of relaxation but I ended up doing laundry and chores because my siblings forgot I had asked them to. Even though I texted them to remind them. oh well.

So today, I was taken over by force. Not that I’m complaining because today was also the first day since I’ve been home that I have taken a nap on a Saturday.  I don’t remember a Saturday since being home that I have done nothing but relaxed and stayed home. Its nice actually. Oh and today all I ate was fruit. Tomorrow will also be the same although I was going through the fridge today. We have a lot of veggies. I may throw some green & red bell peppers, cabbage, zucchini, and green beans together. I’ll let you know.

I’m Not A Girl?!

Yeah. How would you feel?

Several months ago Ben and I were talking and he mentioned how I’m not a girl.

I suppose it’s because I don’t handle situations like a girl. Honestly, I wouldn’t really know how a girl would handle whatever. I suppose cry and pout til she gets her way/attention etc?

A few weeks ago my brother and I were discussing a certain girl and some drama happening. My brother made the comment, ” Dude, she’s a REAL girl!”

Me: Oh is there such a thing as a fake girl?!

I should’ve known better

John: Yes! You are so not a girl. You’re a guy.

Me: Well great. Here’s another guy thinking the same thing…

Relaying this newfound information to a friend during chat..

me:  I’m not a girl according to my brother and ben.

A-REI: I’ve thought that at times…
but i appreciate that about you 🙂

me: OMG YOU TOO?!?!?!

A-REI: lol
me: I’m being serious…seriously you think that?

A-REI: um… that sometimes you are not as girly as others?   yes
i don’t think you are a guy
that’s weird…

Unfortunately, we got to the side of the conversation where I’m seen as a guy because they’re comfortable with me, etc. Honestly, I never show a guy that I can be a romantic interest because I don’t want just anyone giving me the time of day and I most definitely don’t give just anyone the time of day.

Now that I think of it, I believe only two guys have seen “girlfriend/wife prospect” Melanie. Ex-bf and pf.

While we’re on this subject, I cannot flirt. What does flirting consist of anyway? Yes, I’m a girl because I am more than capable to connive, manipulate, and deceive- I choose not to, unless you’re a girl using the aforementioned tactics towards me. You will get schooled, btw.

Back on track, (not like we were on track towards anything anyway) not a girl=Melanie. I suppose if that’s what it seems like then so be it. I am who I am because of what I have learned through observations and experiences.

Is it so bad that I live in reality? Or that I am independent and opinionated? I suppose the man I date/(eventually) marry would like to know I am more than capable of stepping alongside him instead of pulling him along?

Are people supposed to know that about you right off the bat? To my understanding, that just means you’re on the radar for an MRS degree. It screams “PLEASE MARRY ME BECAUSE I’M 21 WITHOUT ANY PROSPECTS”

I know, I’m to act and behave womanly and lady-like, etc, which is most definitely not equivalent to being a girl in my eyes. Am I wrong here or do I just live in Melanie-land?